808s and Heartbreak
Welcome back to Comments of the Week. I’m your host, Dreamweaver! If you don’t know who I am, then you’ve obviously been hiding under a rock these past few months, so let’s pretend you’re totally stupid and walk you through what this is. Just pretend it’s a modern-day video game tutorial!
See, Comments of the Week is a compilation consisting of — wait for it — comments of the week. Mindblowing, I know. What’s even more shocking? These comments are even categorized into three categories such as:
TRUTH:supposedly, the physiological effects of heartbreak are similar to the physiological effects of a drug addict withdrawing from cocaine.
LOL:so just do cocaine.
WUT?:you’ll even save money!
Since you’re clearly new and diving into the 88th edition of Comments of the Week, you should probably check out the precursor editions. Unfortunately, my assistants haven’t yet updated the full list of links, so you can just check outlast week’s editionwhile I’ll cruelly punish them by denying them sex with me for a week. It hasn’t workedyetbut… wait a minute…
FromDigital Homicide is seeking legal representation against Valve
Dreamweaver:They got talent; they’re the most awfully persistent people I’ve seen.
FromPoland is getting a Witcher stamp with Geralt’s handsome face
Dreamweaver:Tramp stamps, judging by Geralt’s unrelenting libido.
FromTeam Ninja has more changes in store for Nioh after the beta
Dreamweaver:My porn history has a totally different definition of alphas…
FromKicks and queues: Destiny’s Rise of Iron expansion is having a bumpy rollout
For kicks (HA!), guess which role’s me?
FromSuper Mario Maker is also skipping 3D support on 3DS
Dreamweaver:Like buff dudes with tiny churros.
FromFirewatch delayed on Xbox One in Australia due to issues with classification
Dreamweaver:You act like they’re any safer indoors…
FromCapcom explains different actor for Frank in Dead Rising 4
FromUrien’s classic outfit is lurking in Street Fighter V
Dreamweaver:We so objectified.
FromYou need to walk 248 miles in Pokemon Go to evolve a Magikarp with the buddy system
Dreamweaver:It’s supposed to be 124.25 miles, but it doesn’t roll off the tongue.
Dreamweaver:The same thing with me and kindergarten.
FromGears of War 4 will feature split-screen on PC
FromNew Senran Kagura teased for 2017
FromMachinarium is now available on PS4
Dreamweaver:Supper? I hardly know her!
FromSomeone recreated No Man’s Sky in Doom with multiplayer to boot
Dreamweaver:That solves one problem, but what about his taxes?
Dreamweaver:Damn.
FromAll first-party Microsoft games will run at native 4K on the Scorpio
Dreamweaver:Warhammer? I hardly know her! But okay.
Dreamweaver:Ms. Mom was right. We really didn’t need that high-definition scanner.
FromGet a glimpse of the Bayonetta amiibo
Dreamweaver:That’s a bold hashtag, let’s see if it works out for him.
FromYou’ll have to wait a little longer to ogle boobs in Dead or Alive Xtreme VR
Dreamweaver:I’ve seen enough hentais to know where this is going.
FromPaper Mario: Color Splash accidentally playable for people who pre-loaded it
Dreamweaver:For the folks who can’t read.
FromPlayStation discounts all the Assassin’s Creed games by at least half
FromDriveclub VR is coming in at $40
FromPokemon president talks about NX, Go
Dreamweaver:So, it is a (high)brid game console…
And that’s it for this edition, folks! Tune in next time for more of that goodness you call Dreamweaver, along with the other people whose names aren’t important enough for me to remember.
