All the Lamest

The truth behindSquare Enix’sFinal Fantasyteaserhas been revealed and, yes, it’s an iOS game. It is not, however, a mere port.Final Fantasy: All the Bravestis a spin-off game revolving entirely around the Active Time Battle system.

Combat is performed by basically tapping or dragging characters until “Fever” mode hits (once every three hours), at which point all characters can instantly attack.

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Boasting “The largest parties inFinal Fantasyhistory,”All the Bravesthas you fighting monsters with up to forty heroes at any given moment. There are twenty unlockable characters, with premium heroes like Cloud Strife available for in-app purchases — at random.

The main game is priced at $3.99, with further levels available for further $3.99, and randomized premium characters at $0.99 apiece. It’ll feature thirty bits of music from the series. There are no options to buy more tunes, but at this rate, I wouldn’t put it past Square Enix.

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Although I was intrigued at first by the trailer (viewable above), I lost all interest once we started getting into the fake freemium stuff. It’s a shame that the iOS market has basically become nothing but games like this, as I’d hoped for more. Anyway, I have to dash … talking about this game’s made me thirsty for milk. Milky, milky, milk.

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